Road Trip of Legends
by halolizard
Summary: A few select champions of the league of legends are selected to have a lighthearted fun vacation in the form of a Road trip, Ironicly things aren't so lighthearted. Remember are we there yet with ice cube?
1. Chapter 1: Juice Em Up

League of Road Trips

Disclaimer: We don't own shit

Chapter 1: Start to an adventure

"Attention! We need all champions to report to the cafeteria for some big announcement...and while you're at it make sure you visit my niece's lemonade stand, she isn't making that much money and she feels kinda bad about it. It would really make her day if you drop by. You wouldn't wanna crush a child's dreams now would ya?"  
"Shut the fuck up Jeffrey, man give me the mic."  
"No you shut the fuck up, Paul."

The sun had settled peacefully on the lively sky, as to set the tone for another day at the institute of war. The announcement had always echoed throughout rooms and halls of the building. Riven in particular, was in a good mood because she was just about to eat a BLT she had made. That is, up until the intercoms sounded. She realized she would have to take the responsibility of notifying her dumb roommate. Again. Taking a deep sigh she swiftly made her way down the hall to their dorm. As she entered, Riven stopped short of Ekko's lazy sack of shit self, positioned at the top of the bunk bed and fast asleep as usual. She decided she'd be quick with it this time. "Ekko, it's fucking noon, how are you still in bed? All champions are being called to the mess hall right now and we're going to be late if you don't get off your ass. How are you always this lazy when you're an inven-." Ekko interrupted. "Bitch, fuck you, futurama had a marathon last night, and you're crazy if you think I'd miss that shit." Riven stopped to think to herself, 'Damn that's a good point'. She takes a seat on the recliner and gestures him to hurry up. Ekko jumps out of the bed with all his clothes already on. He starts doing his hair for 30 minutes, but repeatedly winds back time so it only takes 20 seconds. Ekko proceeds to pump 20 Capri Suns into a tiny backpack, taking one out for the journey. He looks toward riven with a Capri Sun dangling from his mouth and lazily growls, "Let's go mang." Riven and Ekko are walking to the hall all the while Ekko slurps the Capri Suns at a constant rate of three slurps a step. It doesn't fucking stop. This continues for almost 20 minutes. Riven mumbled, "What the fuck? Stop drinking those damn Capri Suns you've gone through 15 in the past 20 mins."  
"Nah nigga I'm still on my first one." Ekko then opens the bag to show 34 Capri Suns piled into his kiddy spiderman backpack stuffed like a clown car.  
Riven questioned "How the fuck do you have more than when we left?" I went back, and I kept grabbing more of them. I gotta get the juice loose baby," Ekko said with a shit eating grin.  
They arrive at the cafeteria to see nobody present. Riven is fucking pissed. She was worried about being late, but now the world decides to fuck her shit up? Riven is now visibly mad.  
Ekko's smirk increases in polarity, this is his time to strike. "I guess it just wasn't time-,"  
Riven interrupts Ekko with a punch to the jaw that knocks him fresh out. He lands on his Capri Suns, instantly bursting what seemed like 63 packages. Riven dragged Ekko's body near a bench while she sits on it, wondering what she could have done to deserve this.

Kalista's head perked up upon hearing this strange announcement. "Maybe today won't be so bad," she thought. She crawled out of her bed in which she had been lying awake in all night. "Oh shit it's noon already, ugh what the hell is wrong with me?" She exclaimed. She slowly dressed herself thinking about what pain today would bring. Trying to brush those thoughts away, she quickly took some anti-depressants and ventured out to the cafeteria. She attempted to go unseen by avoiding the crowds. An alarming voice sounded behind her, "There's that blue whore! Hey Kali, whose dick are you going to suck today?" Kalista didn't bother paying attention to who said it, she simply sped up her pace. When she got to the mess hall she noticed the busy lemonade stand and cursed to herself for not bringing any cash. She decided to sit in the back and wait for everyone else to pile in. While she was waiting, she whipped out her phone to check what was being said about her on LeagueSpace, only to see that the bullying had gotten worse.  
"Yo, why kalista lookin like a tube of colgate. lol"  
"Lol yeah i mean she reminded me of those sponges you see in them pee only toilets nigga."  
"you mean a urinal cake you fucking idiot?"  
"You know what charlie shut the fuck up"  
"you shouldn't have opened your dumb ass mouth then boi, bouta redirect my _**orbital**_ _ **roast**_ cannon."  
The comments kept going and going with the original colgate topic being elaborated. Kalista put her phone down in disdain, wishing she could just go back in time and just fix everything.

Zed, upon hearing the announcement, began to stir. Having awakened a couple hours ago, he refused to get up due to Syndra's nude body lying on his. He woke Syndra explaining to her what was happening."Good morning darling," he said gently. "Good morning dear," replied Syndra sleepily.  
"We need to report to the cafeteria right now," Zed stated as he began to get up. As he started to dress himself Syndra spoke up again,  
"Just go on without me for now. I'll get up in a minute." Given the permission to leave, Zed left with a goodbye. As he made his way down to the mess hall he noticed there wasn't much of a crowd there. He was one of the first couple champs to arrive. Upon spotting a little girl running a lemonade stand he quickly living shadowed over to get himself some of that. Upon seeing her first customer, the little girl said, "You're only here cause uncle Jeffrey told you about me huh?" Zed, remembering what was said over the intercom replied "No, you don't understand, I just fucking love lemonade." The little girl started to get mad, saying "That's it, because you lied to me, no lemonade for you." "PLEASE! I JUST WANT SOME LEMONADE!"Zed cried out. To which she replied "No, now get the fuck away from my stand." Empty handed, and with tears in his eyes, Zed decided go sit down. He sat at the front and waited for the rest of the champions to make their appearance.

Janna was walking through the mall with her Starbucks in tote when she heard the announcement. She began happily striding towards the mess hall, when suddenly, something tripped her, causing her to drop her Starbucks and faceplant. Angry at whatever tripped her, she got up and turned around only to see the nude, passed out body of Gangplank. As she approached him, she noticed a strong scent of alcohol. Upon closer inspection she sees he is lying hungover in a puddle of booze. She decided to wake him up, asking if he needed any help. When he woke he sputtered, "Buh, where's me oranges?" At first confused, Janna looked around and quickly spotted a small pile of oranges lying neatly on the floor just outside of Gp's reach. She grabbed one and hovered over to hand it to him. He took one look at the orange before viciously devouring it. Janna watched in awe as he stood up as if nothing had happened. "Thank ya, Miss," he paused looking down at his still nude body, "Have ye seen me clothes." Janna silently pointed towards the heap of clothes in the corner, slowly backing away, and looking around, not wanting to been seen talking with the naked man. She then remembered that she needed to go to the cafeteria. "Oh, by the way Gangplank, we need to report to the cafeteria," she stated matter of factly. Without waiting for a reply, she quickly ventured the rest of her way to the mess hall. Not wanting to trip this time, she fucking floated I don't fucking know. Once she got there she noticed she was one of their last few to arrive. There was an abandoned lemonade stand in the corner, walking away from it was a little girl with bags of gold hanging over her shoulder. She sat down near the front, instantly taking her phone out to pass the time. She decided to go on LeagueSpace, to see what was happening with the other champs. She noticed Kalista was being toasted again so she decided to join in. She got on her other account, TempestTemper, so Kalista wouldn't know it was her, and said to her,  
"Lol omg Kalista looks like a chicken tender that got deep freezed XD omg."  
"Oh my goodness I completely agree! If anything i think she is most comparable to a Jimmy Dean's hot dog dipped in liquid nitrogen and sent straight into pluto! I mean i'm not sure if a hot dog could even withstand such extreme temperatures, then again do you know what they put in hot dogs?" Replies Heimer.  
"Shut the fuck up you overgrown popcorn kernel"  
After a few moments of waiting Janna saw Gangplank arrive fully clothed. With all the champions finally gathered, the summoners began their announcement.

A robed man, standing at the front of the cafeteria raised a mic to his mouth and spoke, "Welcome, and thank you all for meeting us here today. My name is summoner Paul, and this is my colleague Jeffrey, and we have a very special announcement for you champions. There will be six of you, that will have the opportunity to go on a vacation across Runeterra!" Instantly, people jumped up shouting, "Me me me me me!"  
"Calm down everyone, we will be drawing names from this jar here. Three men and three women will be drawn for this event, and you can't give up your spot, you must proceed up the front when you name has been called. Jeffrey, draw the first name."  
"For our first lucky guy we have….Ekko!"  
Seeing that Ekko was still passed out Riven woke him up telling him to go to front and stand next to the summoners.  
"Huh, what?"  
"Just go," Riven yelled.  
Ekko sprinted up to the front, with juice stains on his shirt, and took his spot next to Paul.  
"For our first lucky lady we have Riven," Jeffrey exclaimed.  
Riven ran up to take her spot next to Ekko.  
"Well that was lucky," Riven whispered to Ekko.  
He replied by stating, "I still don't know why I'm here."  
Jeffrey continued, "For our next man, we have...Gangplank. And for our next lady, we have…Janna!"  
The two walked up greeting each other, before greeting the other two members of the group.  
"Hello, Janna said.  
"Hi," Ekko and Riven replied.  
Jeffrey continued, "For out final man we have….. Zed!"  
Zed walked up to the front simply waving to the group.  
Jeffrey continued further saying, "...and for our final lady we have…"  
Zed silently spoke to himself saying, "Please, don't pick Syndra. Please, don't pick Syndra. Please, don't pick Syndra."  
"Kalista," Jeffrey finished.  
"YES," Zed exclaimed maybe a bit too loud.  
Riven overheard and looked at him in with a confused face, as Kalista was making her way to the front. When she got to the front, audible murmurs could be heard in the crowd.  
"Isn't that the girl that sucked dick in the restroom?"  
"How come that slut gets to go?"  
"Aw shit, I dropped my pizza."  
Kalista looked away in shame.  
"There it is, our six lucky champions that get to go on this wonderful vacation," Paul said before continuing. "So um, with that out of the way, I got this big mac here soooooo as a side announcement, this is how you eat a big mac nigga." Before Paul could take a bite out of his sandwich, Jeffrey smacked it out of his hands, and onto the floor. "Jeffery what the fuck! Damn son, c'mon son. Damn son, that was my big mac son. C'mon son."

 **Author's Note:** **This is our first fanfic, please feel free to point out anything wrong or you think that we could do better on. Even if you just shit talk us we wouldn't mind, and we'd still be grateful for you taking the time to help us.**


	2. Chapter 2: On The Road

Road Trip of Legends

Disclaimer: We don't own shit

Chapter 2: On The Road

Jeffrey pulls the string from a party popper he kept handy in his back pocket. "Woohoo , give it up for our special vacation winners, now get back to fucking work everyone." Beyond all the clapping, summoner Paul was pacing back and forth when he caught a whiff of marijuana smoke from the center of the room. Paul was the strict rule enforcer of the summoners and seeked every opportunity he could to yell at someone. He began to speak up "WHO THE FUCK IS SMOKING BACK THERE?" The entire room froze solid in response, oh how he loved his job. The crowd of Champions surrounding the rising pillar of smoke slowly cleared away revealing Graves lying in his chair, baked out of his mind. He was wearing a soda drink helmet but with two enormous blunts in place of the cup holder slots. "Jeez, that can't be healthy," said Janna, hoping to start up small talk with the others. Riven nodded, "He won it in a high stakes game of Yahtzee with Viktor." Ekko eyed the hat with envy, "Wow, I gotta get me one of those." In which Riven replied, "I mean you could just steal it..."

"Hey Malcolm!" Paul hollered. By now Graves could only manage a snort of smoke as his response. Paul whipped out his megaphone and a glock and yelled, "Only you can prevent forest fires!" before shooting Graves in the dick. He howled and fell to the floor, clutching his precious tenders. That man has no dick now. Seeing Graves unable to defend himself Ekko took the chance and made a dash for the helmet. After acquiring his prize he ulted back to his seat clutching his new helmet affectionately. After that odd encounter, Paul turned back around to explain to the vacation winners the details of their destination. "You will all be going to be to five locations, but I ain't telling you jack shit. Your driver knows all the stops."  
Janna piped up by saying, "What should we pack if we don't even know where we're going?"  
"I don't fucking know just take your basic white bitch necessities," Jeffrey countered.  
And with that, the group split up, going their separate ways.

Kalista slipped through the crowds, managing to swiftly get back home. She quickly looked around her dark apartment thinking of all the things she needed. With a backpack in hand, she hopped around quickly gathering her things, making sure to bring her spears, drugs, and clothes. With her bag packed, she spotted her computer in the corner. Seeing it was still on she went over to turn it off. 'But first, I better delete my history,' she thought seeing as there was a 20 page search history all being yaoi hentai. With that out of the way she headed out the door with her backpack in tote.

Zed shadowed back to his home, not wanting to deal with the horde of people in the halls. Seeing that Syndra hadn't gotten back he then proceeded to get ready for his big trip. Zed made sure to grab his favorite blades just incase, seeing as he had no clue where the fuck they would be going. After awhile of packing other basic necessities, he heard Syndra enter the room.  
"What the fuck, Zed!" She screamed.  
"Why do you get to go and not me! I'm going to complain to the institute about this", she continued.  
Zed attempted to settle the dispute, "Syndra please calm down. It's not like I'm leaving for a year."  
"You don't know that, for all we know you aren't coming back at all. I bet you'd just find some other bitch and forget all about me."  
After saying this Syndra broke down crying. Wondering what the fuck, Zed went over to comfort his extremely insecure girlfriend.  
"Now why would you think that? You are probably the best thing that ever happened to me. Without you I would have been corrupted by the shadows." Zed stated.  
He looked up at the clock and saw that he should probably hurry the fuck up and deal with this some other time. "I'll see you in maybe a month, I honestly have no clue when. I wish I could stay." He said. "I love you."  
"Love you too", Syndra replied through her tears.  
As he left, he decided to leave his mask behind. On his way to the cafeteria, he spotted Kalista just ahead, going the same direction he was. He looked down at her bright blue ass and thought, 'I'd love to fuck the shit out of that. Maybe being away from Syndra for a bit won't be so bad."

Ekko took Riven's hand and activated his Z-Drive to take them back instantly. "Grab the Capri Suns!" Ekko ordered. Riven responded with a nod before getting the largest suitcase she could find. She filled the suitcase with about 300 Capri Suns before zipping it up. With the juice secured the two moved on to packing other less important items. With Ekko constantly rewinding it only took him about three seconds to pack, which left plenty of time for him to annoy Riven while she tried to get her things together.  
"Yo, look at dude, trying to fold her clothes all nice."  
"Could you please leave me the fuck alone?" Riven pleaded.  
"No, you get to enjoy my presence for at least another five minutes."  
"Oh yeah? I didn't know you could last that long." Riven joked.  
Caught off guard by the surprise roast, Ekko fell out of his chair and onto the floor. When he landed spaghetti flew out of his pockets. As Ekko noticed this he started tearing up. This was the weakest that Riven had ever seen Ekko. She chose to ignore him as he attempted to pile the spaghetti back in. As Riven finished getting her things together she looked to Ekko, who still had spaghetti all over the floor, and said, "Why don't we get going already." With that Ekko grabbed his spider man backpack and started to leave until he noticed Riven was struggling with the suitcase full of Capri Suns. When she was trying to get it through the door the bag unzipped a little and started to tip over. Ekko quickly phase dived over to save his delicious himself in between the suitcase and the doorway he shouted to Riven "Quick zip it up!" Without another word Riven hopped to the unzipped side and secured the fallen Capri Suns back into the suitcase. With that out of the way they had one problem left. Ekko was stuck. "Just cut my arm off like that one dude did in the movie," Ekko suggested.  
"I doubt that would work," Riven said.  
"Don't worry I'll just rewind time so I get my arm back."  
"How does your machine even work?" Riven questioned.  
"Don't worry about it. Now cut my arm off."  
Riven took out her sword and slashed downward, cleanly severing his arm. Ekko screamed out in pain as blood sprayed everywhere. Riven dragged the suitcase out of the doorway, trying best not to pay attention to her roommate who was bleeding out on the floor.  
"Wait, why haven't you ulted yet?" She asked.  
"Oh yeah."  
And with that Ekko Chrono Broke and suddenly he was as good as new.  
"What the fuck, Ekko." Riven stated angrily.  
"What?"  
"Nothing, let's just go. The others are probably waiting for us by now."

Janna arrived to her apartment and instantly got to work, grabbing anything and everything that she thought she would need. She dumped all of her shit into her oversized coach purse. With that out of the way she wanted to grab a few more things before she left. She grabbed her staff, extra clothes, and a glock, for when she didn't like the way some nigga was looking at her. She saw that she had plenty of time left before she was to leave, so she decided to go to her favorite place; Starbucks. When she made it to the Starbucks she was blocked by a very nice African-American women being a valuable member of society.  
"Pardon me, miss," Janna piped up, trying to get inside.  
"Did you just call me a nigga?" Karma replied.  
"No, please I'm just saying I would like to pass."  
"If you say that one more time I swear on my mama, my grandmama, I swear to god I'm gonna beat your ass!"  
Karma proceeds to stuff her starbucks coupons in her purse, food stamps are spilling out in every direction. Karma begins the roasting process, first the shoes. Janna starts put her hand around her glock, ready for action.  
"Roast me one more time," Janna states.  
Karmas voodoo magic senses the danger of her people, the infamous glock. She isn't going to be on channel 5 today. She bolts out of the store screaming  
"Gaen Na Kyri Vi!" Suddenly running faster than Usain Bolt.  
With that out of the way, Janna walked up to the counter to order, "Gimme the iced mocha extra ice. Actually just give me a cup of ice. Ya know, I just want a snow cone."  
The man working the counter stared blankly at her. "Can you order from the menu please?"  
And with that, Janna turned around and said, "Nigga, fuck you", and and left the building, heading to the cafeteria.  
In the distance you could hear Karma say, "Did she just say nigga?"

Gangplank rushed to his headquarters to pack all his things. A refreshing vacation is just what the captain needed. Then again, as he gazed across all the weaponry he planned to bring along, he realized this trip could be his chance to sail his ship and plunder some ass once more. He was getting steamy at the thought of some adventure. He began pouring loads of useful weapons and ammo into barrels and filling them to the brim. Deciding to reward himself for his hard work, Gangplank reached for his handy orange dispenser to fill his pockets as he headed for the bar in his spare time.  
As Gangplank enters the establishment he's greeted with an all too familiar sight. Nunu's yeti was destroying Olaf in yet another beer chugging contest, and one of the two bartenders were passed out. Twitch was hoarding drinks behind the counter even though he's too drunk to stay invisible.  
"Hey there Gangplank!" Skarner hollered as he edged near to him. Skarner tries to drag a stool over to Gangplank but ends up ulting it. "Err umm, have a seat anyway man, enjoy some of the punch I spiked while you're at it. But you didn't hear that from me alright?" Ignoring the crab fuck, Gangplank navigated the bar and took an empty seat next to Jax, who was in his usual wifebeater, downing shot glasses like a beast. Gangplank stroked his scruffy beard, thinking briefly about his order. "I'll have today's special I guess," He ordered. Nami heard him and quickly rushed over to set down a shot glass. "That's all?" the pirate shouted. He quickly swished down the shot and tossed the glass to the side. "Gimme somethin hard!" He demanded. "I'll have the most expensive beverage you carry lads!" Hearing this, Gragas instantly snapped out of his coma, rushing over to the stand "I'll take over from here Nami, I know just what the man needs!" Gragas dragged out a mug from the back and filled it with his world famous brew. "That'll be 60 serpents there pirate." Gangplank sets down the money and grabs the mug and chugs down half his drink. "Ehh it wasn't too bad, coulda used more citrus Graggy." Gragas turns around in a full 360 degree circumference and says, "What the fuck did you say about my drink?" Gangplank looks at his watch and thinks, 'Ohh shit I don't have time to square up right now.' He took out his gun out and shot Gragas in the stomach. He then got up out of his seat and left for the cafeteria.

The second Gangplank arrived Jeffrey jumped out of the shadows yelling, "HEY IT'S MEEEEE!" Ekko completely lost his shit to this spooking, and accidentally struck Jeffrey with his bat, killing him instantly. Paul, seeing his buddy on the ground with his head smashed in looked at the group and said into his walkie, "SECURITY!" Hearing this the entire group ran. They rushed the van, seeing that their driver was waiting inside. He opened up the doors saying, "H-hey guys, I'll be your driver for this vacati-". Mid sentence, Gangplank drew his pistol and shot the man in the leg, before proceeding to drag the poor man out of the van and dumping him on the side of the road. "The only driver here is me, and if you have a problem with that you can join him." He said. Everyone stuffed their shit in the van and got in, not wanting to anger the pirate. Kalista sat in the back of the van trying to avoid human contact as much as possible, but Zed, aiming for that booty, went to sit down next to her. As Zed took his seat she noticed the scent of his old spice cologne, causing her to blush up instantly. "How ya doin," he simply asked. Only furthering her blush. "What's wrong? You don't have to act shy around me." He said, giving her a gentle smile. With everyone seated Gangplank floored it, escaping the borders of the institute. After about 10 minutes of silent driving, Janna finally asked the question that everyone else was wondering.  
"Um, where are we going?"  
Gangplank responded, "We are going on a vacation. I know a guy that owns a campground."  
"And where is that exactly?"  
"That my friends, is a secret." Gangplank grinned.  
Janna rolled her eyes before putting on her earphones to block the rest of the group out. Zed and Kalista talked quietly in the back in a mostly one sided conversation. Riven had the job of keeping Ekko busy by playing I spy. Gangplank continued staring at the road ahead, slightly worrying about how his friend would respond to his sudden arrival.

 **Author's notes:** **We are very sorry for taking so long to upload this chapter and we will try to upload more consistently in the future. As an apology I drew this pic for you guys :) just check our my deviantart "happypan"**


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